@ShawnIzadi: Why use words you don't understand in your tweets? It just makes you look photosynthesis.
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@jenniferfralic: Everyone at my funeral gets a stun gun. The last person standing gets all my stuff.
@carlyken: Kids, in my day we didn't have text messaging. We had to write a "Do you like me: Yes or no?" note and pass it through 17 mutual friends.
@The_Grant_Boldt: *at Starbucks* "Ya I'll have the medium roast please" *Barista insults him a lot but not too much*