@Sal_Stevens: Why was a 9 year old allowed on a shooting range. In my school yoyo's were banned after Jenny got a black eye doing an 'Around the World'
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@CollegeHumorLol: When I see my cat staring out the window, I sit behind him and whisper, "Look, Simba, Everything the light touches is our kingdom".
@ddsmidt: My dentist told me to relax, then got all judgey about me uncorking my wine in his office. He needs to make up his mind.
@iFluff8: Millions of people are killed every year because they didn't check behind the shower curtain first. Be smart. Peep before you poop.
@TeachersHot: Sunday mornings are a great time for me to reflect on why I haven't killed anyone yet