@SomeChrisTweets: Why was six afraid of seven? Generations of institutionalized bigotry.
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@AimeeHelene1: If this paper cut is any indication of my pain threshold, then child birth would definitely kill me.
@ArfMeasures: [court] LAWYER: Did u kill him? ME: No L: You know what the punishment is for committing perjury? ME [lips on the mic] Much less than murder
@3sunzzz: [text] H: I'm at Lowes, how wide is the door frame? M: I measured, it's 35 and then 3 little lines after a big long line.