@SomeChrisTweets: Why was six afraid of seven? Generations of institutionalized bigotry.
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@lisaxy424: 4th grade student: How old are you? Me: Quite a bit older than you. Student: So like 23? Me: Deal. Tell all your friends.
@AmericanGent69: Her: *whispering seductively in my ear* Tell me what you want baby. Me: *whispering back* I was thinking maybe Thai food but up to you.
@chuuew: ME What's a penguins favourite relative? Aunt Arctica! PENGUIN . . ME [makes flies over head motion] PENGUIN I don't know what that means
@markydoodoo: I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.