@SomeChrisTweets: Why was six afraid of seven? Generations of institutionalized bigotry.
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@Reverend_Scott: "Hi, I'm calling for info on your bicycle on Craigslist." It's heavy, brown, has new shoes, and loves carrots. It's definitely not a horse.
@Truculent67: Dear people who manually retweet, I hope the next time you're about to get laid someone steps in and does it for you
@Adam14: Me to 2yo: Hey bud, what are you having for breakfast? Sausage? Eggs? Hash browns? Oh... 8 forkfulls of ketchup? Good job!