@timdonakowski: Why would anyone become an architect when everything you do gets destroyed in an X-Men movie?
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@DaddyJew: Interviewer: If I called your former boss right now and asked him- Me: *smacks the phone out of his hand* don't do that
@soandrewyang: *at funeral* ME: I know how you feel FRIEND: Dont bring up the time you only got yel-- ME: One time I only got yellows in my Starburst pack
@MelodiMoon: The Frito Lay truck I'm tailing says 'Driver doesn't carry cash.' Hahahaha. I'm not interested in cash.