@timdonakowski: Why would anyone become an architect when everything you do gets destroyed in an X-Men movie?
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@smelbz: The worst part of going on a date with a guy I don't like is how my grandma always dies before our food gets there.
@Owl_Meat: [presidents 2km race - finish line] OBAMA (checks stopwatch): just under 10 mins, did I beat the record? CLINTON: no, Bush did 9:11
@Manda_like_wine: She often thinks about what life may have been outside the asylum, had the cashier refrained from putting her change on top of the receipt.
@Prof_Hinkley: *my windows are foggy and my car is rocking in the McDonald's parking lot but it's just me inside eating Big Macs*