@mantej: Why would anyone ever think gay people tear apart the fabric of society? They love fabric.
@sofarrsogud: The worst thing about turning up at the ER drunk at 4am is explaining to the nurse that my 9 year old drove here.
@Just_Lee_: My revenge for being designated driver is putting my car seat warmers on high and convincing my drunk friends that they pee'd in their pants
@MrPooni: "I'm not racist but..."
@GMPaiella: The part of the Bible I relate to the most is when Jesus makes a scene at the farmers market
@Molly_Kats: The second I get shampoo in my eyes, I'm 100% sure there's a murderer in my bathroom.