@mantej: Why would anyone ever think gay people tear apart the fabric of society? They love fabric.
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@jazmasta: [Walks into steam room at gym] "good morning my.." "Dave no!" "my est.." "Please Dave no.." "..My eSTEAMed colleagues" "Everyone hates you"
@SufficientCharm: A woman isn't really heartbroken unless she does something drastic to her hair.
@aveuaskew: When my evening plans are ruined, I pay it forward by texting "I'm pregnant" to random numbers.