@IamEnidColeslaw: why would anyone want a baby? it's just another thing you have to clean
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@mattZillaaaa: It’s easy to lie to people. My phone was dead. I mailed it 2 weeks ago. Your baby is so cute.
@ClichedOut: I picked up carry-out and the guy asked if I wanted to leave a tip. Yeah. Offer delivery.
@KizerBillhelm: HR says I'm not allowed to scream "OH GOD IT BURNS MAKE IT STOP" when I walk through the front door at work anymore :(
@dorsalstream: Your 20s: I will strive for goodness and peace in this troubled world. Your 40s: Every single chair is terrible.