@MentalAbortions: Why would I want to quit smoking? Oh, to live longer. Why would I want to live longer?
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@mattgallo123: Everyone's like "the things I want for Christmas can't be bought." And I'm like "Legos. I want legos."
@GrantTanaka: During the bank robbery, I was the one who heroically soiled himself & cried in order to incapacitate the robbers with laughter
@SnizzleFrizzle: My moral compass must run on solar power, because it never seems to work after dark.