@MentalAbortions: Why would I want to quit smoking? Oh, to live longer. Why would I want to live longer?
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@dshack8: Anytime I'm watching something on tv my wife starts talking to me as if her words are going to expire if she doesn't use them.
@ReeseButCallMeV: Drugs made me responsible. If it weren't for drugs I might have never started working at 15.
@iGreenMonk: There are two types of people in this world: 1)People who tried to move an object with their mind at least once 2)Liars
@OBiiieeee: Hello, 911? *twirls phone cord around finger* sooooo how was your day? Did you arrest any bad guys?...No you hang up first! Hello? 911?