@simoncholland: Why would my wife ask if I was wearing this shirt when it's already on? Stop talking in secret code.
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@ItsAndyRyan: I've asked a few people now what IDGAF stands for and I can't say anyone's replies have been that helpful.
@KeetPotato: [babies txting] "my dad's thumb just came off" lol wtf 😂 "wait its back on again nvm" ok lmao "he just stole my nose" im phoning the police
@david8hughes: [under heavy sniper fire] Platoon leader: where's that sniper fire coming from? Me [crying a fair bit]: a big gun with a telescope on it
@huntigula: I, too, am shocked Ted Cruz has had sex. I just assumed his kids were born when he ate after midnight and got wet like in the movie Gremlins