@TheMichaelRock: Why would they add "twerk" to the dictionary? People that would use said word can't read.
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@SteveSuckington: "What if I tried to put a ball somewhere and you tried to stop me" -guy who invented sports
@behindyourback: If Jesus loves me how come he's never liked a single one of my instagram selfies
@Reverend_Scott: [school] Ok class, what was Abraham Lincoln most famous for doing? Billy? "Abolishing slavery." And... "Slaying vampires." Very good.
@badbanana: If you're about to be turned into stone by Medusa, strike a hilarious pose and at least lighten things up for the next guy.