@robfee: Why'd it take Little Red Riding Hood so long to figure out it wasnt her grandma? I can tell after like 2 questions if its a wolf or my nana
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@troublewinks: Officer: You drinking? Me: You buying? Oh how we laughed and laughed.... PS: I need bail money.
@st00pidfast: I can't make you love me but I can tie you up and feed you until you're too fat to be loved by anyone else.
@Dash_of_Crazy: My cat is rubbing herself all over me because she wants me to stroke her. It's like she's a drunk version of me.
@AnkCoupleTO: Me: I crave your sweetness on my lips Her: Who are you talking to in there? M: *stumbles out of pantry with Nutella all over my face* nobody