@byrdie_num_num: Wife and I made a deal. She gets to keep hair on her legs, and I get to keep my opinions to myself. Baby steps.
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@Lisa_Laughs_: My solution to everything is fire. How do I get out this stain? Fire. How do you fix a car? Fire. How do you break up with someone? FIRE!
@UncleDuke1969: "Daddy, are vampires real?" "No, sweetie. Go back to bed." *waits until daughter is asleep* *grabs red Sharpie* *draws 2 dots on her neck*
@LADaddy: The kids wanted the Zero Gravity Laser Racer, a toy car that follows a laser. I handed them a flashlight and pointed at the cat.