@byrdie_num_num: Wife and I made a deal. She gets to keep hair on her legs, and I get to keep my opinions to myself. Baby steps.
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@ixix82: 280 characters, baby, and you know what that means: OXFORD COMMAS. OXFORD COMMAS AS FAR AS THE EYE CAN SEE!
@nbadag: GARY BUSEY: I WANNA WRITE A BOOK HIS AGENT: gary that's a bad idea—how'd you feel about a ghost writer? GARY: SCARED AS HELL BUT I LIKE IT
@elonmusk: The rumor that I’m secretly creating a zombie apocalypse to generate demand for flamethrowers is completely false