@TheBoydP: Wife: *asks question*
Me: *gives answer*
Wife: I’m looking it up on the internet…
@Mr_Kapowski: Cop: There was no else going anywhere nearly as fast as you!
Me: I know. I was winning.
@Leemanish: There's this guy at work who's always putting on a sweatshirt. No one's ever seen his face.
@MavenofHonor: Listen, I've been stuck atop this condemned lighthouse for weeks now, and you don't hear me complaining. No one does
@jakob_huber: You'd think Bowser would start locking the front door of his castle after the first time Mario just walked right in like he owned the joint.
@m0mjawn: took the kids to the park so they could beat each other up in the fresh air