@TheBoydP: Wife: *asks question*
Me: *gives answer*
Wife: I’m looking it up on the internet…
@ThisOneSayz: The Force can make you lift a spaceship out of the swamp, but proper sentence structure teaching, it can not.
@JenniferJokes: I have two years left on my looks. Four if I work out.
So 2 years.
@weinerdog4life: I'm not allowed at the gym anymore because I dropped my chili dog on the treadmill
@Tierno158: Doctors in Zurich, Switzerland, in a 14-hour operation, successfully separated the conjoined Facebook account of a husband and wife.
@KentWGraham: I set my GPS voice to Mom, and now when I miss a turn, it says “Your sister wouldn’t have missed that.”