@TheBoydP: Wife: *asks question*
Me: *gives answer*
Wife: I’m looking it up on the internet…
@thefosterer: If I ever lose my girlfriend in the mall I just start checking other girls out and bam there she is yelling at me
@Darlainky: A bank safety deposit box may seem extreme, but you don't understand how hard it is to hide a box of Girl Scout cookies from my family.
@prettysadmostly: i can guess how someone will die based on their clothes
date: what about me?
Hawaiian themed bathroom fire
@dave_cactus: [ugly sweater contest]
*takes home the gold*
@onelongbender: When people tell me I'm intimidating, I generally just glare at them until they take it back.