@slimmy_shady: [wife enters as I'm doing the worm] Wife: WTH are you doing? Me: It's not what it looks like. Worm: Who the hell is she?!
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@shadonium: Her: Show me your pics Me: Ok *blackberry restarts* *waiting* *gets married* *have kids* Son: Dad, your phone finished restarting *dies*
@mydanimarie: Guns don't kill people. Girls who get tagged in a photo before they get a chance to see it kill people.
@Cali_Kid_Mike: "You clean up nicely", is just a polite way of saying, "You usually look like shit."