@Darchstar007: Wife: every time we argue, you think you're right. Me: yes, because if I thought you were right, I wouldn't be arguing...
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@Jennarater: Fish don't seem that stupid to me. If a burrito dropped out of the sky and hung in mid-air I would probably eat it.
@drubicabra: Just witnessed a white girl take a selfie with her coffee in Starbucks. I always heard the legends but never thought I'd see it in the wild.
@UncleDuke1969: "Dad, is that a bear outside the tent?" "No." "OK." "Hold still." "What're you putting on me?" "Sunscreen." "It smells like ketchup." "Shhh"
@SteveDutzy: Clark Kent is such a hipster. He has fake glasses, still uses phone booths, & prides himself as being the only one who hasn't seen Superman