@DouchyDocLove: Wife just changed her Facebook status to "It's complicated." Better go see what she wants.
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@jamdugg: Google HR: do you have any questions? Me: if I had any questions, I’d Google it Google HR: you’re hired
@Jandalize: Why don't we raise more chickens that lay Cadbury Creme Eggs so we can have them year-round?
@jennalynn518: Whenever a bill collector calls I just give the phone to my toddler and tell her it's Barney.
@mejustbeth: Current status: I just turned on the garbage disposal so the cats wouldn't hear me getting the cheese out of the fridge.