@DouchyDocLove: Wife just changed her Facebook status to "It's complicated." Better go see what she wants.
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@Storminika: You ever lied so much on a resume, you're actually shocked that they gave you the job? I mean look at me, do I look like an astronaut?
@cluedont: You don't fully know your own strength until someone tries to pull you onto a dancefloor against your will.
@ThaJawn: God: *holding a cat by its scruff* WHO MADE THIS? Resentful Angel: I don't know. You didn't? God: NO, it hates me and people Angel: weird
@Ignorant_Indian: Dating Tips. C all her 69 times a day. R ing her doorbell and hide. E avesdrop by phone tapping. E ye her bffs. P oke her on FB.