@thestlouisan: Wife just said "burgs" instead of "burgers" and now I'm a little scared to think of what she's going to do with all the time she saved.
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@DaddyJew: 8: I want the new iPhone Me: you've never had a phone so you have to start with one of these 8: what's this? Me: 2 cans and a string
@themiltron: we call em houseplants like thats where they belong but its just where we put em thats like if u threw me in the sewer & called me sewer boy
@markedly: GOD: Mark, I have chosen you. You will know answers to all of life's mysteries, just listen to the voicemail I left you. ME: voicemail? ugh