@cambuslad: Wife just shouted to me to get my big chopper out .After the panic subsided, I realised she meant we were out of firewood for the stove.
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@AnissaClingman: When you msg me @ 9:30am w/ just "Morning," don't be shocked when I wait till 12:00pm & respond w/ "Noon." Seriously, what did ya expect?
@Kernsti: I'm always terrified when someone knocks on the door while I'm home alone as if murderers and burglars knock first
@Steelers1972: I swallowed my NyQuil with a 5 Hour energy and a latte and now my pet unicorn Steve and I are off to bake cheesecakes.
@BruceForce: Trying to convince my wife that the white powder on my nose is cocaine to hide the fact I've eaten a large sugary donut