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@Adam14: *wife looks through my phone
*divorces me 8 times
@Adar79Angie: You girls are so cute, talking about crumbs in your bra. I found a missing hiker in mine.
@EliTerry: I USED VOLUME MAXIMIZING SHAMPOO THIS MORNING SO YES I DO HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM IN YOUR FACE OFFICER
@RobinMcCauley: Being an adult is 99% wondering how you hurt your back.
@NicestHippo: Don't worry about choosing between a job you love & one that pays money because you won't be able to find either
@GrandadJFreeman: There are 3 types of pain... 1.) Pain. 2.) Excruciating Pain. 3.) STEPPING ON A LEGO!