@BradBroaddus: Wife must be planning to paint the house. I found plastic & tape under our bed. Not sure what the shovel & pistol are for.
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@LizHackett: It's 11:48 PM. You can't sleep. Underneath your bed, there's a creepy rustle, as the clown tries to quietly unwrap and eat a granola bar.
@thejodiest: Please don't directly insult people on Twitter. Use passive aggressive, indirect insults only, like a damn adult.
@AndrewNadeau0: ME:You wanna come in? VAMPIRE:Oh, can’t, vampire M:Unless I invite you V:Oh…you know about that M:Yeah, you can- V:It’s just…I’m super busy…