@manwhohasitall: Wife online? Kids asleep? Time to relax & unwind with a damp cloth and a bottle of multi-surface cleaner. 'Me time'.
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@EasilyTempted: If you love a balloon, set it free. If it comes back to you, it probably wasn't a balloon.
@urgeekisshowing: I'm writing a horror story. It's about a girl who forgets her headphones and her colleagues think it's ok to talk to her. So much blood.
@bridger_w: When I die, please bury me wrapped in a sheet. That way I won't have to look for one when I become a ghost