@manwhohasitall: Wife online? Kids asleep? Time to relax & unwind with a damp cloth and a bottle of multi-surface cleaner. 'Me time'.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@YourKyness: Some guy commented on my all-black outfit today: "So whose funeral is it?" I told him I haven decided yet.
@Michael1979: Don't know how to delete tweets so please just disregard the one earlier in which I claimed to have "definitely broken the world land speed record" by running very fast down the hill near my house. I have since looked it up and I accept that I underestimated the current record
@WritingWilkie: The most embarrassing moment of my life was when I called my teacher "mom" during sex.