@amishschool: Wife said I should talk to the kids about drugs so I told them how faking a back injury would usually get you some Vicodin.
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@seriouslyemily: This girls skirt is so short I can see how many times her dad missed a dance recital from here.
@WilliamAder: What's the point of making people like Paul McCartney and Elton John knights if they're not going to joust?
@notalogin: Sex is like lasagna - there's absolutely no reason for it to involve spinach in any form.
@AHundredElbows: "We just want to find someone who will-" *sly grin* -Finish our sentences? "Exactly." -death row inmates