@amishschool: Wife said I should talk to the kids about drugs so I told them how faking a back injury would usually get you some Vicodin.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@daviddeweil: If The Bachelor was realistic they'd ask each other where they want to go out to eat and then never make a decision.
@Twitmytweeties: "Snitches get stitches" Cute little rhyme.. However I believe, "Snitches never wake up again" is more likely to deter snitching...
@upsheezy: "Walk it off" does not apply to everything. Stupidity, for example. You're not walking that shit off unless it's in to oncoming traffic
@squirrel74wkgn: [news anchor] "Up next, can more sex lead to a healthier & happier-" *wife changes channel*