@amishschool: Wife said I should talk to the kids about drugs so I told them how faking a back injury would usually get you some Vicodin.
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@pleatedjeans: [spider confronting me] him: yo did you steal my coat? me: [wearing 8-sleeved coat] no this is mine
@li4mst3w4rt: alcohol is never the answer, unless the question is, "why were you barely conscious on the kitchen floor eating dog food?"
@TheBoydP: I may be getting old but not “doesn’t know what day of the week it is” old. I can tell by which day I open on my daily pill organizer.