@amishschool: Wife said I should talk to the kids about drugs so I told them how faking a back injury would usually get you some Vicodin.
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@Terdoh: My father put a lot of pressure on me as a child. He used to say stuff like "You're five years old? When I was your age I was six!"
@HrBry: Told my dealer I wanted a shitload of Coke but autocorrect changed it to shipload now I owe a Columbian cartel 18 million dollars
@SortaBad: Mario: hey u up? Princess: yeah y? M: come over ;) P: can't. Kidnapped :( M: Where? I'll save u P: castle. Up stairs, next 2 flagpole M: k