@amishschool: Wife said I should talk to the kids about drugs so I told them how faking a back injury would usually get you some Vicodin.
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@TheHyyyype: [arrest] ME: you've got the wrong g- COP: tell it to the judge [court] ME: your honor, that cop has the wrong glasses for his face shape
@QwertyJones3: HER: You can't even go 5 minutes without making a Star Trek reference. ME: Yes I Khan.
@fridaycandy: I tell people that the secret ingredient in my cookies is "love" but it's actually "floor" .