@headstrong_girl: "Wife stabs husband with squirrel" was on the news.. Does anyone know how to sharpen a Squirrel?
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@UncleDuke1969: [loud bar] Her: I have to urinate Me: What? H: Urinate M: What? H: URINATE! M: Well, YOU'RE a 10! H: Huh? No! You're like a 5. I gotta pee.
@dshack8: 2nd Rule of Parent Club: If your kid suddenly says "I think I'd better wash my hands", don't question them. I repeat, DO NOT QUESTION THEM.
@WilliamRodgers: TRUE STORY Just made this restaurant change its "All you can drink Brunch" Policy.