@headstrong_girl: "Wife stabs husband with squirrel" was on the news.. Does anyone know how to sharpen a Squirrel?
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@Jay_FrickinLynn: [Giving a toast] "It was when I was entering blackout that I realized I forgot the Plan B at home. Happy 1st birthday, you little accident."
@TeamPHumor: Samantha from Facebook wants everyone to know she & her family are going on a cruise next week just in case you want to break into her house
@StansaidAirport: If you removed every blade from a 747's engines and laid them end to end, you'd go to prison for rendering useless a $357 million aircraft.