@daddyville: Wife still out of town. I'm afraid if I order Dominos again they will call child services.
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@rachelle_mandik: Autocorrect turned your lynch mob into a lunch mob? Maybe if you ate something you wouldn't be so angry.
@mydanimarie: Kind of cruel how preschool and the Muffin Man teach girls that they might one day find a guy made entirely out of muffins.
@XplodingUnicorn: [end of a job interview] Interviewer: Any questions? Me: If you could become half robot, would you do it? Him: Me: Him: Which half?