@daddyville: Wife still out of town. I'm afraid if I order Dominos again they will call child services.
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@RocketRankoon: I trick people that I know Spanish by quoting fragments of Spanish songs I know, la bamba.
@WheelTod: [On date] Me: Duck! That's my wife outside the restaurant Her: What!? Your profile said "single dad!" Me: Exactly. We're a one dad family