@daddyville: Wife still out of town. I'm afraid if I order Dominos again they will call child services.
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@astutenewf: Nothing sadder than the look on my dogs face when I drop food from the table and they realize it's lettuce.
@justinshanes: Amazon thinks my recent humidifier purchase was merely the inaugural move in a newfound hobby of humidifier collecting.
@TheDairylandDon: A friend lectured me about going to see Star Wars alone, because "that's weird." As if chastising a grown man in a cloak is some normal shit