@BrendanHealy4: Wife texts husband 'Windows frozen', husband texts wife 'try bucket of warm water', wife texts husband 'computer not working at all now'
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@RamblingMachine: A truck with the slogan "We always go the extra mile" took the last parking spot so I wrote on it "because we missed the exit" as a revenge.
@iGreenMonk: I told the bank teller that I was changing banks & wanted to open an account "Great. What's the name of your former bank?" I said, "Piggy"
@UrbanDouchebag: I wonder if flies ever think, "I bet I could get this guy to slap himself in the face." Because they'd be right.