@BrendanHealy4: Wife texts husband 'Windows frozen', husband texts wife 'try bucket of warm water', wife texts husband 'computer not working at all now'
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@Rich_McCarthy: Just found all my fan letters to Wolverine my wife "promised" she mailed stuffed behind the couch. I'm livid.
@bea_ker: You wanna see the most dangerous animal in the world mate? Go look in the mirror. (I've locked an adult male puma in their bathroom)
@Beardson: I'm simultaneously drinking Starbucks and a Monster, in case I need to do something extreme and be a snob about it, within the next 30 min.
@ojedge: *turns up to a yoga class in full Master Yoda costume* "Oh dear. Misread the flyer, I have."