@FatherofTweet: Wife: "The two things I cook best are meatloaf and apple pie." Husband: "Which is this?"
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@internetluke: [Joseph checking in to hotel] "Is there WiFi?" Only in the stable *later to Virgin Mary* "Honey, hotel was booked. Gotta stay in the stable"
@MrIceMachine: Mind: Does a flying dream sound good tonight? Me: Yea! Mind: Horrific shadow demon it is. Me: But I thought-? Mind: Don't worry, it can fly.
@DurtMcHurtt: [funeral] Her: why is my dead grandfather wearing a diamond ring? *sliding it off his finger* Me: *gets down on one knee* because babe...