@YesitsAl: Wife thinks I was present for every conversation she's had with anyone, ever, and assumes I know what the hell she's talking about right now
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@JasonLastname: Sees friend from highschool. Gives friend a big hug. Refuses to let go of friend. Becomes siamese friends.
@moose_chocolate: A coworker told me she was "catching up on her correspondence" so apparently it's 1932 here at my workplace.
@sad_tree: [getting my picture taking with the sports team mascot] "I know you're not really an armadillo"
@samstein: March 23: Trump pretends to drive big-rig. House bill falls apart. July 17: Trump pretends to drive firetruck. Senate bill falls apart.