@YesitsAl: Wife thinks I was present for every conversation she's had with anyone, ever, and assumes I know what the hell she's talking about right now
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@IGotsSmarts: I wondered why everyone said I had "bed hair", until I looked in the mirror and noticed a tiny mattress on top of my head.
@TeaPainUSA: Mike Huckabee calls Obama a "pretend Christian", and if anyone's an expert on "pretend Christians", it's Mike Huckabee.
@Playing_Dad: Happy Passive Aggressive day! Don't worry, I didn't want you to get me anything anyway. No, it's fine. Don't worry about it.