@slimmy_shady: Wife: “Was that lightning?!” Me: “No, they’re taking pictures for Google earth…”
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@djdarrellripley: Me: Come to my party. I'm making my "secret special punch." Her: You mean vodka & food coloring? Me: Who told you my secret?!?
@WheelTod: We'd been married for 5yrs before we heard the patter of tiny feet. In time even the kids learned to live with the massive rat infestation
@Rollinintheseat: My newly married friend begins most sentences with, "My husband said." My go to response is, "My dogs haven't said much today."
@Shock_Monster: Her: I saw this Yoda pen & I thought of you. Me: WHY? YOU THINK I'M 8 OR SOMETHING? Her: No, sorry... Me: Hey, hey, hey! Leave the pen.