@qwertying: Wife: What would you do if I died?
Husband: I would go crazy
Wife: Would you re-marry?
Husband: Ah, not that crazy..
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@Audenary: ME: Who is your favourite philosopher? PROFESSOR: It's Hume. ME: Sorry - whom is your favourite philosopher?
@CharlieDontSrf: If I were an old Chinese man I would never say anything, just nod and laugh strategically to freak people out
@AndrewChamings: MARRIAGE COUNSELOR: What is it that you are both most fearful of? WIFE: I just...[sobbing]...don’t want the kids to suffer ME: Eels
@OhNoSheTwitnt: The families in Eggo commercials live in nice houses and appear wealthy. Why are they always fighting over one shitty frozen waffle?
@TheScamJoanne: *two minor inconveniences happen at the same time* me: *needs to lie down for 3 days*
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