@meganamram: Today i convinced my brother for a full minute that the Beatles wrote "blackbird" about Batman

@TheChalls: Hey Joe, don't think we can use this ad. Why not? We're roofers. Yes, but "Hot shingles in your area looking to get nailed" seems extreme.

@juliacomedy: remember when u found out the french word for seal was phoque and u were like this is the best day of my phoquing life

@kcmoore51: *puts arm around you* You've been burned before but, you're safe with me. Let your gaurd down, girl. *steals your pizza*

@TheMichaelRock: Kanye West compared his relationship with Kim Kardashian to Romeo and Juliet. So we won't have to deal with them too much longer, you guys.