@_mascaragirl: *Astronaut takes a photo of Earth from space* Earth: "Delete it."

@InternetHippo: BEN CARSON’S WIFE: Are you coming home for dinner BEN CARSON: Go to ben carson dot com and read my plan to come home for dinner

@NYC_Blonde: Tall girls might get modeling contracts but I can still ask for the high school student discount.

@trumpetcake: MY NANA WAS A FREAK IN THE SACK. Now granted, we didn't stuff her in that sack often, but boy would she freak out when we did.

@nycjayjay: Yup.