@GrantTanaka: Wife's been away since thursday, we ran out of spaghetti-o's on friday, ate the dog yesterday, burned photo albums for heat today, pls help
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@VerifiedJayy: Put glitter on top of all your friends ceiling fans blades. Wait til spring Enjoy
@BitterKrust: "Does this hurt?" "YES!" "What about this?" "OW!" *Dr. writes notes* "Patient shows symptoms of pain when stabbed with knife. Keep updates."
@slimmy_shady: MARRIAGE PROTIP - Guys, if you have a picture of your junk on your phone, you better be sure your wife has a copy of it on hers. Good talk.