@joeyhuggles: Wifey is giving me the Silent Treatment for spending the entire night on Twitter. Win/Win, you guys... Win/Win.
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@notacroc: [restaurant] ME: *reading menu* how's the chicken parm? OUR WAITER, TONY THE TIGER: it's grr- MANAGER: *glares at Tony* TONY: it's exquisite
@TheDailySchmuck: People have underestimated me my entire life, and they've been wrong on like two of those days.
@thatcarlygirl: "A car I've never seen before just parked outside. We're gonna die CAN YOU HEAR ME Jesus Christ you're not listening to me I said..." - Dogs
@Sassafrantz: If I'm ever reincarnated I hope I get to be a bear because I'll be like "stop playing dead, I used to be human. That shits not gonna work!"