@joeyhuggles: Wifey is giving me the Silent Treatment for spending the entire night on Twitter. Win/Win, you guys... Win/Win.
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@graceful_asfuck: Interviewer: Where do you want to be in 5 years? Me: Oh, it doesn't matter. You will have fired me well before then.
@MandaPie1981: Having been married for awhile, I'm out of touch. Is it ok to date several guys or just one at a time? I asked my husband, he just got pissy
@Fred_Delicious: 9 out of 10 dentists agree that Gary is the most handsome dentist. Gary voted for Brett because he couldn't vote for himself