@ImKevinito: Wifey is pregnant again. She wants a girl but I want a black guy so I have someone to play basketball with.
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@SadMeterologist: My neighbors are organizing something called a "fun run". This shit never happened when I lived in my car.
@Fred_Delicious: If I had a time machine I'd alter the Big Bang Theory pilot episode so all the characters exploded in the very first scene
@FunkyFresh_79: [runs inside of a gas station] "I NEED TO USE YOUR BATHROOM! IT'S AN EMERGENCY!" *takes a selfie in the bathroom mirror for an IG # game
@RuthDavidsonMSP: Obviously, it would be hugely childish & wrong to chuckle at Linus & Florian, the backbone of Germany's hockey team.