@living_marble: Wild horses could easily drag me away from anything, even from my favorite activity. Wild horses are super crazy strong.
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@truegritrumble: CAR SALESMAN: How can I help you? ME: I’m looking to immediately lose money on a terrible investment. CAR SALESMAN: That’s my specialty.
@Gooooats: That will be $6.34, and would you like to donate a dollar to the children's hospital or do you prefer being judged by a Taco Bell employee?
@truegritrumble: ME: *passing out little top hats* And this one's for you. And this one's for you ZOOKEEPER: Sir, get out of the penguin enclosure ME: Lol no
@MandiAtRandom: Whenever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth...and drink all the vodka inside. It seems to help