@flashember: [Wildebeest orbiting the earth in a spacesuit, uselessly kicking its legs madly every time a really grassy part comes into view]
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@Teowulf: When people post sad things on Facebook I just want to hug them and whisper softly in their ears, "no one cares."
@Fred_Delicious: if you're ever worried there's an intruder in your house, shout 69 down the stairs. if no one laughs, there's no one there
@BeardSpice: How to kill two birds with one stone: Step 1: throw a stone at a bird Step 2: go pick up that stone Step 3: throw it at another bird