@SkunkRiverNPS: Wilderness survival tip #32: To deter bears from attacking your tent, simply sprinkle your neighbor's campsite with bacon powder.
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@Jaysmemoir: My 6yo's homework today is learning how to count backwards. Yep that teacher knows about DUIs alright!
@Tuna_Lover: I took my turtle for a walk. It's been six months and we are finally at the end of my driveway.
@IamEnidColeslaw: The Constitution says nothing about it being illegal for cats to carry firearms and this worries me immensely.
@LeightonSaysHi: He told me he wanted a dirty girl so I didn't shower for two weeks. Now he won't return my calls. Forget women, MEN and their mixed signals!