@SkunkRiverNPS: Wilderness survival tip #32: To deter bears from attacking your tent, simply sprinkle your neighbor's campsite with bacon powder.
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@jake_likes_naps: [accidentally calls teacher "mom"] MY BRAIN: shit, play it cool. say something. ME: what's for dinner tonight BRAIN: what
@SamTR7: *Spider exam: How to scare people out of their mind* ✘ Fly ✘ Breathe fire ✔ Sit still on the ceiling and mind your own business
@SaraESpivey: After I orgasm, I yell "Aaaaand scene." Then I push him off me, throw him his clothes while holding the door open& say "Ummm. We'll call u."