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@HomeProbably: The best thing I ever did was install a fake doorbell.
Now no one ever knocks on my door.
@Mr_Kapowski: Me: "I injured myself at the gym"
Buddy: "Too much weight?"
Me: "I guess. I was just trying to lift my Segway onto the treadmill"
@TheFraudMallu: My grandmother reads obituary column in the newspaper everyday. It is pretty much like searching for your childhood friends on Facebook.
@Scott_A_Gilmore: Ladies, if he says he would go to the "end of the earth" for you and then he goes missing, check Finland.
@tarashoe: STRANGER: she has a book. cute and smart
ME: [taking a bite of the small layer cake i made to look like a book]
STRANGER: a stunning genius