@lloydrang: Will I. Am's headstone will read "Will I. Was," completing history's longest set-up to a punchline
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@catcerveny: Me: Dude, back off. You're totally scaring away all the hot guys checking me out at the gym. H: You do realize I'm your husband, right?
@papasuncle: When your bucket of KFC starts talking about the afterlife, that is some deep fried chicken.
@Shot_Of_Cabo: (CPR class) Wife to instructor: What if my knees start to hurt? Me to instructor: See what I'm up against?