@jake_lach: <-----Will never confess the actual number of house cats he's forced outdoors when the owner wasn't looking
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@SkunkRiverNPS: Wilderness survival tip #32: To deter bears from attacking your tent, simply sprinkle your neighbor's campsite with bacon powder.
@jergarl: You're doing really well now please pull into this liquor store do you want anything? -Me as a Drivers Ed teacher
@KeetPotato: me: [answers phone in meeting] "this better be important" wife: "i think we're having a baby" me: [sighs] "you told me that 9 months ago"
@soccerskiingmom: If any Americans still feel like emigrating to Canada, can you please bring up some Thanksgiving leftovers?