@alrightjam: Will you date me? breathe if yes, swim across the atlantic ocean while reciting the bible in japanese if no
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@SteveSuckington: They say you should play dead if a bear attacks you. That shouldn't be that hard once he snaps your torso in half.
@lloydrang: Me: You a good personal trainer? Him: You bet your emotionally distant dad I am. Me: [through tears] Wow, that's personal. You're hired.
@rolldiggity: "And if you look out to the left, you'll miss everything to the right. Remember, every choice is also a loss." - Me as a tour guide
@amhw: Coffee: Because when you're groggy and barely coherent, the first thing you should do is handle a scalding hot cup of liquid.