@alrightjam: Will you date me? breathe if yes, swim across the atlantic ocean while reciting the bible in japanese if no
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@squirrel74wkgn: [at work] Carl, did you get naked when you used the bathroom? *standing there with his shirt & pants on backwards* "No...why do you ask?"
@AristotlesNZ: Car broke down. Seen enough Man vs Wild to survive. 20mins later when the tow truck showed up I was drinking urine out of a poodle's skull.
@JT_IV_: I hope the people that monitor my sleep study tonight like watching a man scratch his taint.
@WilliamRodgers: This kid at the Bar just told me Nickelback is a better band than Metallica.... Long story short....Send bail money...