@o__0Dev: Wine doesn't have many vitamins. That's why you have to drink a lot of it.
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@Chumpstring: Attention Prayer Warriors: My neighbor left town for a funeral today. Please pray for God to protect & guide me as I steal his barbecue pit.
@bad_as_you_want: Found my 16yr old daughters Twitter today, made her deactivate it...after I copied all of her best material to my draft folder of course
@Dschnoeb: A woman on the subway this morning said "did you know the government is closed? Is it a holiday or something?" So really, we deserve this.