@Sean_Burgundy_: Winning a fight with your gf is like winning a vacation to Detroit. Don't get too excited
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@markedly: What are you gonna argue about with your family this Thanksgiving? 1. Minimum wage 2. Police reform 3. Why are there raisins in this, Louise
@LoriLuvsShoes: Cop:Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Because I'm pretty? Cop: No Me: Because I'm on Twitter? Cop: No Me: Officer I can do this all day
@autocorrects: Dear people who question why girls go to the bathroom together, Hermoine went alone and got attacked by a troll.
@fro_vo: [first date] Me: so what do you do Date: i'm a veterinarian Me: thank you for your service Date: veterinarian not veteran Me: ok but still