@Sean_Burgundy_: Winning a fight with your gf is like winning a vacation to Detroit. Don't get too excited
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@TheAlexNevil: Me: How's it look? Doc: You have 2 months to live M: WHAT?? You're my dentist! D: Then you don't need to come back for a cleaning in 6 mos
@DurtMcHurtt: My grandma was so poor she only left me recipes for pasta dishes in her will, you could say she was my.. *golf swings* Pennefactor.
@Daddyissues__: Roses are red. Violets are blue. If he's busy on Valentine's Day, the side chic is you.
@charrrllaa: I don't understand people with anchor tattoos that say, "I refuse to sink." It's a damn anchor! It's supposed to sink! What am I missing?