@BruceForce: Wipes away your tears using three precise karate chops.
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@stevevsninjas: Octopus: *holding 8 guns* Looks like we got a Mexican standoff Squid: *holding 8 guns* Not so fast *draws 2 more guns*
@hashtag_stacks: If I ever got kidnapped my kidnapper would be like 'why are you so good at sitting in one room for a long period of time without showering?'
@PetrickSara: I refused to buy my 5yo a tablet, and now she's resorted to hand-drawing angry emojis on pieces of paper to express her frustration.
@Pappiness: Eric Trump said the Syria strike was swayed by a "heartbroken" Ivanka. He also pouted that dad has never bombed a country for him.