@DevilryFun: Wish a poltergeist would move in so there'd be someone else to blame when I lose my shit.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Reverend_Scott: Cop: Know why I stopped u? Cuz u JUST CAN'T FIGHT THIS FEELING ANYMORE? Cop: I'VE FORGOTTEN WHAT WE STARTED FIGHTIN FOOOR For speeding.
@SuadShamma: "The sum of the cabbage is directly proportional to the square root of the carrot divided by the mayo. That is Cole's Law."
@mrjohndarby: Friend: *opening his front door* Oh, it's you. But the dinner party is tomorrow Me: It's ok. I'll wait
@beefman138: "I am the God of mischief in Norse mythology, but I don't want too many people knowing about it". - Low key.