@DevilryFun: Wish a poltergeist would move in so there'd be someone else to blame when I lose my shit.
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@KeetPotato: [sex-ed lesson] now, unroll the condom down over the bana- what is it keith? "i ate my banana"
@absolutemeh: A new study finds marijuana users are not more likely to have car accidents. Mostly because they're usually too high to find their cars.
@YesImMatt: When people's driving tweets end mid sentence, did the paramedics find their phone and hit send?
@LeahTiscione: Don't tell me you're coming to my party on facebook then go for something better last minute ugh have fun at "the wake" or whatever