@Xylit0l: Wish all of my viruses were this polite
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@MomOnFire: Whoever taught my five-year-old daughter how to "air quote," I need to speak with you privately.
@RocketRankoon: [5 minutes after being trapped in an elevator] Finally, an excuse to drink my own urine
@Brampersandon_: BOSS: Ok so far so good. But before we finish the interview I'm gonna have you take a typing test. LOBSTER: *looking down at claws* Shit