@Hormonella: Wish I could focus on anything with even half the intensity of my dog watching me eat yogurt.
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@AnOrangeSNES: A cannibal passes a Girl Scout cookie stand. "How many girl scouts are these cookies made of?" he asks with a large smile on his face.
@TheHyyyype: [picking her up for a date] ME: you should know that i have a baby from another marriage HER: really? ME: yes, but the parents haven't realized it yet so we gotta hurry, get in
@avxlanche: the difference between me and humpty dumpty is that his friends looked at him and thought to themselves "we should put him back together"
@koalaslament: if I was ever in prison I'd quickly assert dominance by giving everyone a fabulous makeover