@UrbanDouchebag: Wish I had a dollar for every time I've heard, "Actually sir, we have you on camera."
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@jnrbtsn: Based on the condition of my hair in the morning, I'd say there's a 100% chance my hair has more fun than I do when I sleep.
@BriarSlyMadness: You can tell A LOT about a Woman's mood just by looking at her hands... ...for example...If she's holding a gun? She's probably pissed.
@MrSpoonicorn: *Gandalf rollerblades into the club* "YO DJ PLAY SOME DIRTY DUBSTE-- *slips on a drink & lands flat on face* "SCRAP THAT CALL AN AMBULANCE
@Parkerlawyer: Client, "I should have known this marriage was going to fail when he hid my engagement ring in a gas station taquito."