@AmberTozer: Wish I had a neck like an owl so when a guy is spooning me right after sex I could turn my head all the way around and say that was awful
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@ComedicBust: I joined snapchat yesterday; apparently my phone doesn't die fast enough for my liking.
@dsmitty62: Told my mom I hit 1200 Twitter followers. She pointed out how my brother owns a house and I'm wanted by several collection agencies. Oh ma!
@KKAlThani: Happy International Women's day. Or a sad one. Or an angry one. Or a passive aggressive one. You never really know with women.
@senorwinces: If you watch Intervention backwards, it's about a person partying hard after an awful family reunion.