@PaperWash: wish I never spent that $20 my grandma gave me when I was 12, I could really use it right now
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@Discourt: Just told my toddler to eat 5 bites of her dinner, to which she replied I was horrible. So I counted the number 3 twice. Biotch.
@MidlifeDish: "This is the last time I'm going to tell you!" *Biggest lie parents tell kids "And I mean it." *Biggest lie parents tell themselves
@SCbchbum: When I reached the border patrol checkpoint, I raised my kale smoothie & the officer immediately waved me through.