@PaperWash: wish I never spent that $20 my grandma gave me when I was 12, I could really use it right now
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@doublewenis: My wife used to get so fat that she had to go to the hospital; then a person would fall out of her. That doesn't sound normal.
@BastardProphet: I don't have many enemies because I'm funny and sweet and they all died in mysterious fires.
@brian_bilston: There once was a poet on Twitter who grew increasingly bitter. He couldn't surmount the strict character count and so his poems got even shi