@DeanOkay: Wish someone would invent a device that would allow me to speak instead of having to text back and forth 30 times to get my point across.
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@KeetPotato: [my first day hosting shopping channel] "for those of you who love coconut, boy do we have a product for you" [holds up a coconut]
@TheMichaelRock: Coworker: I could care less! Me: How much less could you care? Coworker: I don't get it. Me: I noticed.