@DeanOkay: Wish someone would invent a device that would allow me to speak instead of having to text back and forth 30 times to get my point across.
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@careworn: Why do people insist on saying "You're next" to me at weddings? Do they not realize how serial killery that is?
@Robert_Beau: The reason that there are so many tweets about cats is that people with dogs go outside.
@Boourns83: Turns out hanging out in sewers eating pizza and practicing karate will not make me an honorary ninja turtle.. Now I just smell like shit