@zacharyflynn: Wish the trash would take me out for once.
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@dubstep4dads: *counting sheep before bed* *jesus walks in your room* "I noticed there weren't any black sheep. what's up man. we gonna have a problem?"
@dafloydsta: HER: I'm leaving you ME: But why? HER: There's just no chemistry between us anymore CHEMISTRY: Wow, I'm like right here
@DevilryFun: Just once I want to wake up to something exciting. *Wakes up next to spider crawling on pillow.
@Matt_the_1st: Cop: do you know why I pulled u over? Me: yeah, I was going like 120 back there Cop:.... Me:.. Cop: sir, your tailamp is out Me:...