@zacharyflynn: Wish the trash would take me out for once.
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@HatfieldAnne: TV chef warns against “over vegetablizing” a sandwich. I lean in closely, hoping he’s also against “under buttering” everything else.
@heyevergreen: [showing colleague a pic on phone] "NO! Don't scroll left!" My face falls as he sees my erotic photo collection of donuts on plates.
@dafloydsta: [first date] HER: I really like you ME: I like you too HER: So did you bring protection? ME: *gesturing to my bodyguard* Yeah, this is Tony
@GuyEndoreKaiser: If you're feeling down, park in a handicap space and soon a bunch of strangers will tell you that there's nothing wrong with you!